why am i hungry

This girl spent her afternoon lying on the playground floor of McDonald's reading a magazine.  Totally unrelated to this post but still super cute.

I want to eat all the time.  I'm not just exaggerating either.  I think about food from the second I wake up in the morning to the moment I lay my head on the pillow at night.  Often, I dream of food.

I don't know why I have always been so obsessed with eating.

This time around on the diet train, I've been trying to focus on identifying my reasons for eating.  It has taken all the impulse control I can muster to stop myself before consuming anything to ask myself, "Why am I hungry?"

If I am physically feeling actual rumblings in my stomach, good.  "You may proceed," I tell myself.

Even if I am only eating because it is a prescribed time of day (breakfast, lunch, or dinner) I allow myself to continue with caution.

If I find myself answering with any other response, it means I need to figure out some sort of alternate plan.  If I am hungry because I am bored, I need to go clean something, go somewhere, or go find some sort of non edible entertainment.  If I am hungry because I am lonely, I need to drive over to Mom's or call someone on the phone.  If I'm hungry because I'm angry, I need to take a walk to blow off some steam.

Daily, I keep finding myself standing at the open fridge after a trance like trip of wakeful sleepwalking.  "Why am I hungry?" I think to myself.

Today, the answer has been, "I'm hungry because I am anxious."

I awoke this morning with a churning in my stomach that is totally unlike the stomach flu or morning sickness (this is NOT an announcement) and is so tightly linked to the feelings of anxiety.  There is a pit in my intestines and a tightness in my chest.

I know that these are symptoms of a heart attack.  I assure you, I am in no cardiac distress.  These are very distinct feelings I encounter when I feel anxious.  This is just the best way I can describe them.  I am having an anxiety attack, not a heart attack.

I'm not surprised about the anxiety.  I'm in the midst of the perfect storm of the end of vacation, withdrawals from sugar, and hormonal shifts (again, NOT an announcement) all at the same time.  I'm an emotional mess and I've been expecting it so it's all good.

What is not all good is the fact that I constantly want to eat.  I just know that if I self medicated with a bit of processed sugar and refined carbohydrates, I would feel so much better.  I would and I wouldn't at the same time.  I would trade self control for momentary comfort so I have to keep reminding myself to keep my eyes set on the goal.

It's a special kind of torture to have to store your drug of choice at all times inside an easily accessible space of your home.

I know I could eat until I make myself physically ill and still not feel completely satiated.  That is the thought that keeps me from breaking.  That and the beautiful face of my sweet baby who is a constant reminder that I am too big to have the energy to play chase with her.  I won't break today but it's all I can do to stay out of the kitchen.

So here is my question for anyone who has the answer.  How do I respond?  I have a response to nearly every emotion that drives me to eat.  I have thoughts and ideas and plans and back up plans to keep myself on the straight and narrow of my dieting destiny.

But what do I do when I'm hungry from anxiety?

So far the best idea I've thought of is to continue wringing my hands and clinging to the knowledge that tomorrow will be better.

I hope it works.

lazy sunday

...more like crazy Sunday!

We spent last night at my parents' house which is always really fun.  We stayed up way too late watching Netflix and drinking sodas from the gas station and then woke Kate up just to have a midnight snack.

That sounds like we ate her.

We gave her a midnight snack...

...of milk.

And we didn't intentionally wake her up either.  I went in to check on her and she was just standing there in her crib staring at me.  How was I supposed to not pick her up?

Anyway, we had a wonderful time but woke up feeling tired and out of sorts.  I scrambled to get Kate and myself ready for church.  Of course we ended up having to stop by our apartment on the way to get some essentials.  We made it to church right before the Sacrament and sat out in the foyer with Kate.

Katelyn is wild during church.  This was not unusual today but it is exhausting nonetheless.  She NEVER wants to sit still and church is pretty much all about sitting still.  There are four adults in our family who can care for her in church.  That's a four to one baby - adult ratio but by the end of the three hour block, we are all tired and worn out.  It's a struggle every Sunday but somehow we make it.

Dave is the financial clerk in our ward which is fitting as he is a financial counselor during the week.  This means that he stays for about an hour after church to help count tithing.  This also means that I am faced with the task of getting Kate up the stairs, changed out of her church clothes, fed, cleaned up, and down for her nap.

Today my dad took us home and was kind enough to carry Kate in her car seat up the stairs for me.  She looked like a little Sunday diva sitting in her safety throne.  My dad rarely visits our apartment (because I am at my parents' house nearly everyday) so having "Grampy" in our home was especially entertaining to Kate.  He took her out on the balcony to look for birds for a few minutes and then left to go home, eat lunch, and probably take a nap. (Remember - everyone is exhausted at this point.) Katelyn was so sad to see him go she screamed for five minutes.

I got Kate into her high chair and gave her strawberries and spaghetti squash for lunch and then I went to change and use the restroom.  And then I clogged the toilet.

Which is embarrassing to admit on the internet.

But it wasn't gross or anything!  I just like to use a lot of toilet paper!  Ask anyone I know!  Also, our toilet clogs every day!  It is the cheapest toilet I have ever sat upon!

Anyway, Katelyn was crying so I ran over to see what her problem was.  Soon I heard the sound of running water in the toilet tank.  It was the sound of gross toilet water running over the bowl and onto the floor.  Our bathroom was being flooded.

I thought that only happened in the movies!!!

So, I was kneeling next to the toilet, in a huge puddle or nasty water, trying to shut off the water, when I heard a plop from the kitchen.  Katelyn had rejected the spaghetti squash and dumped on the kitchen floor.  All over the kitchen floor.  Which she thought was hilarious.

I needed to buy some time to finish wrestling the toilet so I gave her a few Oreos to eat for dessert. (I washed my hands like I was scrubbing in for surgery first.)

Finally, I fixed the stubborn toilet and walked into the kitchen to find that Katelyn had crushed the Oreos, dumped out her cup of water, and turned it into some sort of sugary black paint that she was using to paint herself with.

At least it bought me some time, I guess.

This story ends well.  Eventually, Dave came home, I fixed the toilet, we mopped the floor, Katelyn took a bath and a nap, and the afternoon ended with all of us enjoying the cool front and some bubbles out on the balcony.  And each of us in our pajamas.

I guess it turned out to be a lazy Sunday after all.

on having it all

Around 7:30 this morning, I awoke to the sound of little whimpers on the baby monitor.  Katelyn was sounding the first warnings of an oncoming hunger cry.  I had just enough time to go to the bathroom and get some water before I settled into an easy chair to nurse my hungry baby.

I usually watch the Today show during Katelyn's morning feedings.  It is interesting enough to keep me awake but simple enough for such an early hour in the day.  One of the big stories in the news this morning had to do with the new CEO of a major company.  The noteworthiness of the story was not that she was a woman; the shock factor came from her newly announced pregnancy.

The woman assured stockholders that she would not be taking a full maternity leave for the impending birth.  She would take a few weeks and work during that time to ensure that production would not fall behind.  Critics have questioned her ability to juggle two major life changes at once.

This question brings up one of the hot topic questions of the mother world...

can women really have it all?

I guess the politically correct side of me says that each woman should decide for herself and do what she thinks is the best for her family.

Anything he can do I can do better.  I can do anything better than him.  Right?

The logical side tells me that it's impossible for anyone to really have it all.  Sacrifice and compromise is an integral part of life.  The question is ...

what and more importantly whom do you choose to sacrifice?

The spiritual side reminds me that the best thing for a family, the best thing for my family is to have a mother at home, teaching, nurturing, healing, and caring for her children.  No one has Katelyn's best interests at heart like I do.

The emotional side of me feels my heart melt when Katelyn will smile at no one else but me and for no reason other than that I am her mother, the source of love, comfort, security, and well yes, nourishment.  This side makes me realize that I would be devastated to miss any second of her sweet smiles and laughs because I was chasing a dream that was not meant for me.

The truth is that motherhood is a full time job.  It is more than full time.  It's overtime.  You're always on call and your shift never ends.  It is, however, a fulfilling job.

I will never regret graduating from college.  It is an accomplishment I chose to strive for since childhood.  I also don't regret my wonderful albeit short - lived career.

I was the CEO of a high school classroom.

I was proud to be a teacher and I loved helping students learn.  I miss being in the classroom and am anticipating a bit of sadness in August when school starts again and I am not there.  But when the time came to leave my career behind I did not regret that decision either.

I'll spare you the history lesson (although that was my career) but I will say that our nation has seen a devaluation of motherhood.  At some point in time, we decided that being a mother just wasn't enough, that tending children was just that, watching the kids.  Women were made to feel inferior, or worse, lazy for staying at home to raise their children.

In reality, the work of raising well - adjusted and accomplished individuals occurs in the many small and insignificant moments of life.  Just like a clock, it is not the grand face but the tiny cogs and wheels behind that keep the time.  It was the presence of my mom every day, even for the boring ones, that gave me the sense of security, safety, and structure that allowed me to grow and develop independently into who I am today.

When life was difficult and I came across jolting bumps in the road, I turned to my mom, not because I was genetically linked to her but because she was the one who had always been there and the one who had all of the answers.

There's a reason they say that the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.  Motherhood is a powerful calling and an amazing career.  And just for the record ...

I do "have it all" and it is wonderful. :)

on the road again part one

Our trip to Texas was quite the journey.  There were several times that I thought we couldn't make it and would have to just settle right where we were.  It was a tough drive but we had some fun along the way.

We started very early Wednesday morning.  We were really hoping to get most of our driving out of the way on the first day.  He had a trailer attached to the back of our little Kia Rio so the fastest we could drive was 55 miles an hour.

where's waldo? i mean where's baby kate?

At the beginning of the trip, we made pretty good time.  Katelyn slept for a while so I was able to sit in the front seat and talk to D.  We made one of our first stops in Helper which was a little bit out of our way.  We saw a billboard advertising "Utah's Tallest Coal Miner" so we just had to stop.

he was a really tall miner

Next, we made it to Moab where we stopped at the Hole in the Rock.  The Hole in the Rock was actually a person's home that had been carved into the red rock.  It is now a museum and gift shop and was full of random sculptures.  My favorite was FDR's face carved into the rock.

this is the site of the famous "the cactus bit me" story of my childhood

D and I totally thought that this was real for a minute

honoring FDR

this is only the gift shop - the actual house cost money to tour :(

just a foreshadowing of the longhorns we will see later in texas

fore!

D and I spent the trip looking for license plates from different states - we hit the jackpot with this one

When we made it to Albuquerque, Katelyn decided that she had had enough.  She was sick to begin with and got really tired of being in the car seat.  She started screaming at the top of her lungs; it was horrible.  I knew if we stopped in Albuquerque that we would never make the trip in two days so we really needed to make it to Santa Rosa.  I sat in the back seat with Katelyn and tried everything I could do to keep her calm.  We finally made it to Santa Rosa just after midnight and checked out a room in the creepiest Motel 6 I have ever seen.  Katelyn was so exhausted that she fell asleep right after she nursed and slept through the night.  We actually had to wake her up in the morning to get her into her car seat.

good night Katelyn

haulin oats

 We are packed a ready to go!  When we picked up our little U Haul trailer, I seriously doubted we could fit even half of our stuff.  I was so worried about it but D and his mom and brothers were able to pack it all in.  It was like a U Haul jigsaw puzzle!

all of our stuff ready to be packed

pausing for a shoot out

packed like sardines

ready to go

conGRADulations

Now that we have introduced Princess Kate, let's celebrate D's graduation.  He made it through four years of studying and reading and hard work.  I am so proud of him!

When we found out that I was pregnant and due in April, we realized that there was a good chance that we would miss D's graduation.  I was really hoping that Baby K would either be born a week before or just after the ceremony.  When my due date passed, I vowed that I would be at the graduation no matter what.  Several members of my family thought I was crazy but I am pretty stubborn.

The night of commencement, my mom and Jack and I gathered together to cheer D on.  We took some pictures and settled in to watch the procession.  I love graduation ceremonies.  I loved school and wish I could be a student forever so something about the graduates marching in wearing their caps and gowns to the tune of Pomp and Circumstance gives me goosebumps.

When the procession started, there was this tall man standing right in front of the screen showing the graduates walking through campus.  We really wanted to see this but he was blocking our view.  Both my mom and Jack started politely asking him to move but he must not have heard them and just kept standing there.  They kept getting louder and finally the man turned around.  It was really awkward because of how long they were yelling at him so when he finally turned around my mom said, "Could you please sit down?  I just really love bagpipes."  Jack and I could not stop laughing.

mom's favorite bagpipes

I was really proud and excited at my own graduation but for some reason, D's was even better.  I started to tear up when he walked by.  I had been by his side during all of the late nights and stressful exams and I was so happy to finally see him get recognized for it.

The next day was the convocation for the Woodbury Business School.  It was really fun because both D and Tina graduated together.  I really doubted I would make it to that part of the graduation but sure enough, I woke up pregnant again.

I am so proud of D for all of his hard work and effort.  :)

so this is the new year ...

... and I don't feel any different.

I guess most people don't really listen to Death Cab for Cutie. I don't really anymore either. And anyway, it's not true because I plan on being very different this year.

There is something about a new start that is appealing to me. I like the idea of a fresh start and I love the idea of the calendar telling me to do that. I only start a diet on a Sunday because for some reason in my mind, it is the first day of the week. Would you believe that I started 52 diets last year? Of course you would.

This year, New Year's Day fell on a Sunday so it was the first of the year and the first of the week all in one.

I was planning on writing about my new resolutions and the overhaul of myself that is to happen this year. But then something happened. Vacation hangover happened.

Vacation hangover happens the day after your plane flight home. The day you return from your vacation you are so happy to lie down on your own bed and take a shower in your own bathroom with your own shampoo and conditioner that you don't even notice it. Even if your vacation was in a five star hotel with unlimited room service and a massage everyday the comfort and familiarity of home is shocking.

The next day, however, the reality sets in. Your body remembers the abuse it took during the holiday free for all of food and staying up late. The side affects of the travel day really become noticeable. You remember that you have to go to work tomorrow. Suddenly, the vacation hangover hits.

A vacation hangover is similar to a regular hangover (not that I would know) in that the more you consume, the worse you will feel. In our case, nearly two weeks on vacation in Houston calls for a fairly terrible day back to real world. D and I woke up tired and grouchy.

I promise I made good resolutions. I will tell them to you tomorrow or next week maybe. Until then, I will give you a small preview and just tell you one.

I resolve not to procrastinate this year.

changes

It's time to take some advice from David Bowie. Okay, I'll be honest. I'm not really sure what the lyrics of this song means but I'm pretty certain that neither does David Bowie. But I like it and I'm going to go with the inevitability of change as the overarching theme of the song.

I've historically dealt with major (but also minor) changes in my life very poorly. I am a creature of habit and a chronic control seeker. I am also lazy. Change almost always represents the need to readjust my thinking, emotions, and expectations. I have to learn to operate differently under my new circumstances. It makes me anxious and uncomfortable.

Unfortunately for me, change is everywhere. Change is in life, in nature, even food in the fridge changes if you leave it long enough. So, I have had to just deal with it.

Don't get me wrong; I completely realize that this is a major fault I have to work on. I know already. Trust me, it is an aspect of my personality currently under construction.

Also, please know that this isn't just some neurotic need to control my life. (Well, sometimes it is a little bit.) Even the changes I order in my life cause some distress.

The past few months have been filled with anxiety inducing changes for me. A new school year, a change of address, a move for my parents, the turn of a quarter century for me, and well ... the impending addition to our family ... have just had me a bit on the worrisome side.

So changes big. I have thought about blogging many times over the past month and a half but I just needed some thoughts to myself for a bit. As with all of the other changes in my life, I have needed my own time to process and think. And as with the other times, I always realize that the change is good. I remember that it keeps my life from getting stale, broadens my horizons, and teaches me new lessons.

As for the lentil ... this little life form taking over my body for the next while ... well, he/she already has me terrified of eating the wrong thing, forgetting my vitamins, or just not being enough. But as for the change, I am already in love beyond repair.

work and food

D and I recently moved. Well, we moved a while ago. I mean, a few weeks ago. Actually, what I mean to say is that we moved over a month ago but still haven't finished cleaning out our old apartment.

There, I said it.

But you really can't blame me because we had to pay for the month of September as part of our contract. And moving is hard. And for some reason, the thought of cleaning behind the washer and dryer was just overwhelming.

So every Saturday D and I planned on driving down to finish the cleaning. We had the best of intentions. But we would wake up and our bed just felt so comfortable and my favorite cooking shows were on tv and well, we just didn't want to.

Well, today was our last Saturday before we absolutely had to be out so we had no choice.

But trust me, I didn't want to. I'm ashamed to say it but I called a maid service just to see. We also considered not cleaning and missing out on our deposit. But in the end, we knew what we had to do.

Luckily, it was easy to bribe Jack and Lauren into helping us. Help cleaning the apartment in return for taking them out to dinner seemed like a fair trade. So today, we cleaned.

I think for everyone, at some point in your childhood you realize just a little bit how easy you've had it. One summer, as you sit on the couch watching cartoons and watch your dad leave to work for the day, you figure it out. You don't have to do all the crappy things adults do.

But by the time you've figured out how delightfully simple your life has been, the clock strikes midnight and you take the next step up the ladder of adulthood. In just a few short years, summer greets you with a minimum wage job at Burger King, a grease stained polo three sizes too large, and a cap that says "Have it Your Way" on the back.

I'll admit, I only worked a three hour shift at a time, which compared to the ten to twelve hour days I put in now seems miniscule. Trust me though, to the sixteen year old version of myself it came as a shock.

Recently, I have found that Saturday is not necessarily a day for relaxation and fun. Usually it is a day to get the yard work done, change the oil in the car, and deep clean the kitchen. On rare and unfortunate occasions, it is a day to clean out your stupid apartment.

But, if you are lucky you have good siblings to help for the low price of a dinner. If you are attentive, you will realize that with additional responsibility there is greater joy and accomplishment. And if you are wise, you will appreciate the simplicity of the current phase you're in.

I'm still working on that last one.

camping trip

We survived our weekend in the wilderness. Everyone seemed to have a good time, except for poor Nicole who got sick. :( Here are some pictures of our backwoods adventures.

We had a really big group. We even got in trouble for too many cars at the camp site.

Even Jack and Aaron showed up to pose for these odd pictures.

Foil dinners roasted over hot coals and fed everyone.

When it started to get dark and cold, Aimee and I built a perfect teepee fire without the help of our former scout husbands.

At the end of a fun evening, we all settled down for a chilly night.

david at the dentist

Actually, it was me at the dentist. D tagged along for moral support.

I have never had a cavity. Not one single hole or dental imperfection. Not even braces.

But earlier last week, I noticed something. A dark spot in the back of my mouth. I tried to brush it out but there was no avoiding the rotten truth. I had a cavity.

Today, for the first time in my life, I got a filling.

snow in june

When I get back to school in August and people ask what I did during the summer ...
... I might have to tell them that I spent it at a snow cone shack.

lazy Sunday

Today was a beautiful day. The sun was out and big white puffy clouds were rolling past the afternoon sky. Bob Ross would call them "happy clouds."

It was a long cold winter that stretched it's icy fingers into spring. Cold and rain dragged on for weeks and the usual pleasant spring that makes me happy I live in Provo was absent for a while.

But today was perfect so D and I ventured out this evening with a blanket and a snack and enjoyed the little patch of community grass by the side of our apartment.

sick today ...

Poor D. He had a rough time today. This morning, he woke up with a sore neck.

If you sleep on your neck wrong and wake up with a sore muscle that is bad enough. You can try to medicate but it just hurts the rest of the day. Then you forget and turn your neck too fast and hurt it all again.

D's neck kept getting worse though. And then it got swollen and it looked like when a snake swallows an egg. Not good, I thought.

So off we went to urgent care to get D's growing lump checked out. Before we left, we all took bets on what the ailment might be. Lockjaw and spider bites were on the list but my favorite suggestion was D's - it was an unborn twin baby finally seeking revenge for twenty four years of being stuck in his neck.

Urgent care on a Saturday is not fun. It takes a long time and there is a lot of waiting and looking around. At first we kept ourselves entertained. D found a drawer labeled "disposable shorts" and I spent the next fifteen minutes keeping him from stealing a pair to take home.

But soon, all we could do was sit and wait. For me, a doctor's office is not a great place to sit and wait. I start looking around and thinking and then I start to wonder about things. I never think of logical conclusions - remember I thought a bat sneaked in and bit me and that spiders laid eggs in a mosquito bite and that my head would fall off when the dermatologist removed a mole from my neck. So I got nervous.

What was new for me was how nervous I got and how hard it was to keep it to myself. Suddenly, when it was D that was on the table, I was so worried that he would be okay. You grow up always feeling bad for friends and family get sick but when we married, a switch was flipped and I wanted nothing more than to trade places when he gets sick or hurts. It's worse to watch and have no way to help.

Well finally, after a three hour visit, we found out ... well no one was really quite sure. D has an angry lymph node and some medicine to get better. I'm just happy he's okay. :)

once a cougar always a cougar

I write this post from one of the BYU ten - minute computer kiosks in the RB (Richards Building). I came here to take advantage of the free exercise equipment before they realize that I am no longer a student but a BYU alum. How quickly I forgot, however, that Tuesdays are devotional days and the entire campus is shut down for its weekly spiritual feeding, including the gym.

It's strange to walk the grounds of my alma mater so soon after leaving. (Even stranger to forget about devotional.) It's disconcerting to be here and not a part anymore. With no classes to rush to, no papers to print, and no place for me in the line of the testing center, I feel an odd combination of nostalgia, relief, and despair. After all, this was home once.

I remember the first few moments here. I was filled with excitement, anticipation, and anxiety as my parents and I drove through Provo Canyon from Park City. I had walked through campus as a visitor before, bowled at the Wilk, drove past the sign, dined at the Creamery, but never as part of the institution. It was difficult to believe that I was actually a BYU Cougar. It was terrifying actually. I didn't know my roommate, my dorm, or my surroundings and I had never even traveled outside of the state of Texas for more than two weeks at a time. It was all happening so fast but I knew I was ready.

My parents left and the first day of classes came. I was so unprepared. By the time I walked to campus, my feet were blistered from the "cute" shoes, my ill - fitting bra had slipped around my back, and my trendy messenger bag had cut deep notches into my shoulders, exposing tender flesh. With tears clouding my vision, I began to study my schedule. My first class was in the JSB ... There are close to one hundred buildings on campus, each with its own confounding acronym. That's when the panic set in. As I watched the other confident students, sure of where they were headed, I knew I didn't belong. It was time for me to go home.

My parents had some different ideas, however. Tuition was paid after all, and BYU had always been my dream. They promised that after a semester, I could come home. Rice University and my old bedroom were waiting. I just had to make it four months. I could come home.

I have to go now. The computer time reminder keeps blinking to let me know that there is someone else waiting for a turn with this computer. My time is up and it's someone else's turn. I may not be ready to go or done with this post but it's time for the next thing. Life seems to have a way of doing that.

I'm still coming to terms with this graduation thing. Who would have guessed how much I would want to hang on. I'm nervous to experience walking my first child down the hall to kindergarten. I have a hard time saying goodbye. I'm grateful though, for the time spent here and the home BYU was for four wonderful years. It's become a part of my personal mosaic and I wouldn't trade the experience.

I'm not sure if I'm more proud of myself for graduating or proud for being a part of BYU. Either way, I'll always hold on to my BYU experience.

how i met your father

Dave and I met the weekend before school started. It was a Saturday and I was getting ready to go to the football game. I really needed to do laundry but I had just gotten out of the shower and I looked really bad. My hair was wet and I wasn't wearing any makeup but I was having a laundry emergency so I decided I would risk possibly running into potential dates. I remember thinking that there probably wouldn't even be anyone down there and the probability of meeting cute guys was somewhat slim. So I walked down there as fast as I could, absolutely determined not to talk or even make eye contact with anyone and, of course, there was Dave. He was putting laundry in the dryer and all I could see was Guatemala on the back of his shirt. My little brother, Jack, had just been called to serve a mission in Guatemala and my mom was really apprehensive about it. I figured that he had probably served a mission there and would have nice things to say about it. I couldn't miss an opportunity to investigate for my nervous mother so I broke my vow of silence to ask him. Besides, I thought, this guy probably isn't even in my ward and I'll most likely never see him again. When Dave turned around I was stunned by his good looks and he had the most perfect smile I had ever seen. I don't even remember what he told me about Guatemala.

The next day was fast Sunday and I went to my new ward. Our ward had a break the fast meal after church. I went with my roommates and we were sitting in the stairwell eating spaghetti off of our laps when Dave and his roommates walked in. Unfortunately, he didn't see me and I tried but never worked up the nerve to talk to him.

Later that night, my roommates and I were hanging around the apartment making banana bread and we heard a knock on the door. It was Dave and his roommates who wanted to meet some people and just happened to knock on our door which wasn't even the first one in the hall. I was so excited that he was in my ward and finally actually knew my name and that I was wearing makeup this time. :)

Tuesday was the ward opening social and I almost didn't get to go. Luckily one of my coworkers covered my shift and I was able to get off work a little early. We started playing volleyball and Dave and I ended up on the same team which made me happy. I'm possibly the worst volleyball player ever but Dave appreciated my "raise the roof" move. My roommate and I took a break and left for a while to get Slurpees and on the way back noticed Dave driving away. Somehow we stopped him from leaving to get his swimsuit. We stayed and played games outside and then went back to his sister's apartment to swim in the hot tub. Later we decided to go back to my apartment to play cards and order pizza. Even though I beat Dave by a lot in every card game we played, he was a good sport. ;) The hours flew by and soon it was 4 am so we reluctantly called it a night.

The next day at work, I was just getting ready to leave when I got a text from Dave and I couldn't help but smile. After texting back and forth several times, I came up with the excuse that my internet wasn't working (which was true) and I couldn't do any homework with out it (which was somewhat true) so Dave invited me over. Of course we didn't do any homework. We watched The Office and talked and Dave played guitar and sang for me. I was amazed. He was smart, funny, nice, sweet, amazingly attractive, and could play the guitar. And I had really only known him for twenty four hours. I thought he was too good to be true.

But lucky for me, he wasn't. And lucky for me, he thought I was okay too. After the night of the ward social, Dave and I never went a day without seeing each other. I thought about him all the time. I hated saying goodnight and waited with eager anticipation to see him again. I loved every time we were together and I fell in love with him quickly. Soon Dave became the person I wanted to tell everything to. He became my best friend and just being in the same room with him made my day instantly better. I knew I wanted to be with him forever.

One Wednesday afternoon, I had to go on a field trip with my geography class to a copper mine. I was telling my mom about it that morning and she was asking about my plans for later that night. I told her that Dave had mentioned going geocaching but I thought it would be too dark to go by the time I got back. "No!" she said, rather quickly, "It will be fun in the dark. It will be like a treasure hunt. Take a flashlight." I didn't even think anything of how insistent she was that I go.

The field trip took a lot longer than I expected and on the way back, Dave started texting me. Before I could respond, he texted again and before I could respond to that, he called me wondering where I was and when I would get back. Still, I didn't expect anything. I just thought he was really excited to go geocaching. He called again when I got back to the school and met me in the parking lot when I got back to our apartment.

So we hurried to start geocaching and started looking in a spot next to the Provo River. It was a really pretty trail that was kind of set back from every thing else. Dave pointed out where he thought the box would be but I was pretty sure it was in a different location. I searched for a long time before finally deciding to listen to Dave and I finally found it. I was pretty impressed with myself. Little did I know that he had hidden in there an hour earlier. We opened the box and Dave started pulling things out. I was reading a note that we found in the box when he found a ring box. I looked down to find him on one knee telling me how much he loved me. At first, I thought he had just happened to find a ring box in there and thought it would be funny to pretend so I asked if he was serious. Finally, I realized he was being serious and I immediately got butterflies in my stomach. This took me completely by surprise. It was hard to believe that it was happening but I couldn't have been happier. Everything just felt right.

I am so excited to be getting married to Dave. I feel like I've known him forever and I absolutely love the person he is and the way he makes me feel. I can't believe that this is just Chapter One of Our Story.

how i met your mother

 We first met August 30, 2008. We both lived on the bottom floor at the Glenwood apartments and were in the same ward. I was in the laundry room moving my clothes into the dryer when Megan walked in. She looked amazing and out of my league so i just kept doing my laundry, trying to make sure it wasn't too obvious when I looked at her.

I was wearing a soccer jersey from Guatemala, Megan noticed it and asked if I served my mission in Guatemala. (I was surprised that she talked to me.) I explained that my family lived there and she told me that her brother was going to Guatemala for his mission. Not much else was said and we didn't even get each others names. So I finished my laundry thinking of this beautiful mystery girl I thought I'd never see again. Then I headed back to my apartment and she went off to a date.

The next day after church a couple of my roommates and I decided to go knocking on some doors introducing ourselves (mission skills do come in handy). Of course we went straight to the girl's side of the building and randomly chose a door. Guess who happened to be in that first door that we knocked. Megan! Making some delicious smelling, funky looking banana bread. I finally learned her name and was struck from that moment on. We all talked for about ten minutes and then my roommates and I took off. The following Tuesday was the Ward Opening Social; it was tons of fun but pretty crowded. There was football and volleyball and lots going on. Well, I made sure I followed her around and tried to get on the same teams (I know, I know, how childish). But then she left with some of her friends to go get slurpees. My sister and roommate wanted to leave to go get our swimming suits so we could swim and since Megan was gone I though "sure why not". But then as we were pulling out of the parking lot, she walked past the car and asked where we were going... anyways.... I came up with whatever excuse I could to just stay and skip the swimming. It worked. We ended up staying and playing games in a small group and had tons of fun, after that we went to Tina's hot tub and hung out that night. Since that night we have hung out pretty much every night since.

The first few weeks we would stay up playing cards till early morning. After some time and with my roommates telling me many times how obvious it was that she liked me I built up the courage to hold her hand. Yay! We kept spending everyday together hanging out with our roommates but before too long it ended up being just the two of us.

We have lots of great times; beating her at cards, watching her volleyball skills, and watching movies. From day one things were different with Megan, I love playing guitar but hate singing in front of people. One of the first times we hung out I explained how I felt about playing and singing at the same time and then next thing I know playing the guitar and singing away. I guess that's probably when I really realized she liked me because she still wanted to be around me even after I sang.

My family still hasn't met Megan but everyone I introduce her to loves her. Once she is out of earshot the comments start coming, "ooh, I like her!"..."she is so pretty!"...."she is so nice"... "don't mess this up, you'll regret it!".... Tell me something I don't know!

Megan is amazing; throughout our experience dating she has been so much fun and kind to me. I still have a hard time getting over the fact that I got someone as pretty as her to date me. It got to the point that all I wanted to do was be with her. Last thing I thought of before going to to bed was Megan, first thing i thought of when I woke up was Megan. Every minute that we were both at home we spent together (and still do). I fell in love with who she is, the kind of person she is, and knew I wanted to be with her for forever... but not much time had passed since we started dating.

If you know anything about my parents dating life you'll know that dating time doesn't seem to be an issue in this chain of the Robertson family. On October 28th I called Todd Winn (Megan's dad) to ask him for permission to marry Megan... he was out jogging with Lauren, his other daughter! He asked if he could call me back in ten minutes... that was the most nerve wrecking ten minutes of my life! Well, ten minutes of pacing and deep thought finally passed and he called me back. We had a great talk and... yay.....I got his blessing. So now I had to ask her....

I don't know if anyone knows what Geo-caching is but basically its where someone hides a box somewhere and then goes online and enters the coordinates of the box, giving others something to go find. Its pretty much a little treasure hunt. There are miscellaneous items in the boxes and when you find one you're supposed to take something out and then put something else in. I hadn't bought a ring yet but had a diamond ring that I got in Botswana and had my roommate go hide it in one of the Geo-caching boxes by the Provo river. Sometimes they can be hard to find but i knew exactly where this one was so no worries there.

Well, Megan took forever getting home from a school field trip and it started to get dark, I thought "great, its going to be too dark by the time she gets here to go looking." I thought my plans were ruined. She will tell you otherwise but I only called her once, to see where she was so I could decide whether or not to go through with it that night. Luckily she got home in time and we were able to have a little bit of light.

Off we went in search of treasure that she didn't know would be there. After visiting a decoy cache we headed to the "chosen" one. I suggested the area for her to look (near where the ring was) but no, she wanted to look with me where I was looking. So I acted like I was looking around for the box (i could have won an Oscar with my fake search that night), and finally made my way nearer to the tree the box was hidden.

Megan eventually "found" the box and handed it to me. I got down on a knee and opened the box and started pulling the things out of the box... a superman toy....dental floss..... a coin..... a spoon.... a ring box!

When i pulled out the ring box I looked up at Megan and started pouring out my heart and soul only to be interrupted abruptly by Megan exclaiming, "Dave, are you serious?"..... "yes".... my speech continued.... then again and louder this time, "Dave, are you serious!?!" By this time i was getting nervous. I was surprised at how calm I originally was but her questioning quickly brought on a fear that I did not want at that time. I was also scared I would never get through my little impromptu speech with these interruptions and decided i better cut to the chase. "Megan, will you marry me?"............... "Of course i will!"

Things are going great now, we are happily engaged and excited for the wedding which is planned for the 16th of January. I'm so grateful for Megan and who she is. I'm always falling more in love and am surprised every day at how amazing she is. I am happier then ever and still in shock at how lucky I am in getting Megan. I guess "lucky" is an understatement.