my hopes for mother's day

Yesterday we honored my grandma for Mother's Day.  My mom cooked a delicious lunch of pot roast, corn on the cob, sliced fresh tomatoes, cucumbers with onions, watermelon wedges, and fresh baked bread.  She served the meal on my her grandmother's china and decorated the dining room with pictures of our mothers and grandmothers.  As we ate, we all took turns telling a favorite story about each of our mothers and the conversation soon turned into sharing precious happy memories and laughing about good times.

After our meal, my dad and Dave did the dishes and took care of the kids so we could sit in the living room and continue our discussion.  We started talking about what a conflicting holiday Mother's Day is for the actual people it honors.  For one, because every living person has a mother, the honorees of Mother's Day are supposed to simultaneously enjoy their special day while showering their own mothers with praise, gifts, and attention.  And not having to honor your mother is even worse because that means that you are missing her instead.

Secondly, there is the question of how to celebrate your mother.  How do you combine a lifetime of gratitude and unpayable debt into one single arbitrarily assigned day in May?  When you really stop to consider all that a mother does and gives, it makes all the Hallmark cards in the world seem like a drop in the bucket compared to all of the service and care and love mothers give.

So we sat there, three generations of mothers, each with a different perspective on motherhood, pondering this.  I'm sure we each took a moment to consider what we really wanted for Mother's Day.  We concluded that it was impossible to repay your mother but that just wasn't what Mother's Day is about.

And, in the end, that's not really what I want from my children.  I'm not doing this because I expect some grand gesture of gratitude, or because I want them to feel burdened by a debt to me they'll never be able to pay, or even because I'm hoping that someday they'll feel obligated to care for me when I'm too old to care for myself.  I don't want any of those things.  I just want them to be happy.  My mom said that what she really wants is for us to live happy, successful lives and pay it forward.

I hope I'm doing it right, Mom.

I hope you know that I model my motherhood after all that you did.  Whenever I make a decision for my children, I find myself asking, "What would Mom do?"  If I don't know, I call you and ask.  I hope you know that I'm grateful for that.

I hope you know that I make my way through three hours of church with two active children every Sunday because you did.  I know that you wanted to provide us with a stable foundation in a gospel that has brought you so much true happiness and joy throughout your life and has done the same for mine.  When the fear and anxiety go after my testimony, I hope you know that it's your belief that gets me through it.  "Mom knows it's true and that can be enough for me today."

I hope you know that I take the terms "Smother" and "Helicopter Mom" to be compliments.  I know that the original implication of those terms was not meant to be a positive one.  But to me, they are titles of the highest honor.  Also, until I read the book about being a "Tiger Mom," I thought it meant a mother who was like a tiger to those who wronged her children, a woman who ferociously defended her cubs who were not yet ready to be out in the wild.  That's what "Tiger Mom" means to me anyhow.  I learned that from you.  You were our biggest advocate and growing up, I never doubted you would protect us from the people who didn't have our best interests at heart.

I hope you also know that I'm proud to be a homemaker.  I remember being a young girl and watching you drive off to "Homemaking Meeting" each month and being in awe.  Homemaking sounded like such an impressive term and I couldn't wait to be a homemaker as well.  It sounded like the most important job in the world.  Society has tried to tell me otherwise but I still know better.

I hope you know I get it now.  I get why you were so frustrated when we got out of bed because we smelled popcorn.  I get why you sometimes didn't let us go somewhere when you had an ominous feeling and sensed there might be danger.  I get why you couldn't go anywhere on Mondays during Jack's mission because that was P-Day and you needed to stay by the computer waiting for his email.  I thought it seemed silly then but now I have a son of my own and, although it's still sixteen and a half years away, I'm not sure how I will let go of him long enough for him to serve the Lord for two years.  I get it when I was going through the divorce and you said that it felt just as bad for you.  I was frustrated at the time.  I couldn't understand how it could be bad for you when I was the one traveling through my own personal hell.  I understand now that it was worse for you, that my feelings were broadcast through your soul at an amplified volume.  I hope you know that I get some of it now.  In five years when I have children in school, I will get it more.  In ten years when I have teenagers, my eyes will open a bit more yet again.  In twenty-five years when I'm watching Kate and Sam with families of their own, there will be new and more complex things for me to grasp.  But for now, I hope you know I have at least some understanding of what it means to be a mother.

I hope you know that my children adore you.  Their lives are better because you are in it.  They get love and care directly from you but also your support and advice makes me a better mother.  They are lucky to have you in their lives.

Mostly, I hope you know that I'm grateful for you.  I hope you know I wouldn't be who I am today without you in my life.  I hope you know that you did a great job, that your best was more than enough, that your children will love you forever.

And lastly, I hope you got what you wanted for Mother's Day.

a very merry birthday party

Merry Christmas!

If you read my blog post last night you're probably wondering if Kate got her flute. At the mall Santa told her he would see what he could do. Luckily he was able to make it happen on such short notice. Kate was delighted to find a purple "flute" in her stocking this morning.

One of our presents to Kate was one of my old make up bags filled with glittery and pink make up and brushes from the dollar store. Kate was thrilled but the jury is still out on whether or not this was a good idea.

Sam had no idea it was Christmas this morning. He kept his usual routine of drinking milk from a bottle and crawling around looking for trouble. However, this morning he and Kate had a new set of wooden blocks from their grandma and grandpa all the way over in Argentina.

Sam's first order of business was to polish off the remaining cookie crumbs and Diet Coke we left for Santa the night before.  He also tried to eat the reindeer carrot.

Kate's big present from us was a Buzz Lightyear bike with a bumblebee helmet. At first she was a little apprehensive about making the switch from tricycle to big girl bike but once she got the hang of it, she was a pro. She kept telling us it was "so easy."

After opening presents we had a big Christmas breakfast of crescent rolls, scrambled eggs, bacon, and oranges. I felt like some sort of breakfast warrior putting this feast on the table. I had forgotten about Christmas breakfast until late last night and made the bold choice to brave the lines at Walgreens to try and forage for ingredients.

After breakfast and a wonderful Skype call with Dave's family we packed up the car and headed over to my parents' house for Christmas dinner, more presents, and a pair of special Christmas guests!  Kate really wanted to wear her new Elsa costume and I braided her hair like George Bailey's youngest daughter from It's a Wonderful Life.

One of Katelyn's favorite presents was a stuffed Peppa Pig doll.  A few weeks ago my mom and I were wandering around the Walmart toy department with the kids when Kate found this stuffed Peppa doll.  They bonded immediately and when it was time to leave, there was a tearful goodbye.  Kate very carefully nestled Peppa into an endcap display of toys and promised to "visit Peppa soon."  Well, this was just too much sadness for my mom and so she had me distract Kate while she secretly bought that exact Peppa doll right then and there.  Needless to say, the reunion of these two besties did not disappoint.

This year Katelyn has gotten really excited about birthdays. She loves a good celebration even if it isn't for her and she has found a reason to say or sing Happy Birthday nearly every day this year.

When we started talking about Christmas, we explained to her that we have parties and open presents and celebrate together because Christmas is Jesus's birthday. Kate was so excited about having a birthday party on Christmas day!  We even had a birthday cake.

After the birthday song was sung, the candles blown out, the piles of wrapping paper swept away, the babies bathed and tucked into their beds, the grown ups sat down to play Scattergories.  We had so much fun just sitting around talking and playing games and I laughed so hard I cried more than once.

At the end of the night, Dave and I had to borrow my mom's car to haul everything home.  The kids rode with Dave in their car seats so I drove alone listening to the last of the Christmas music on the radio. It almost felt overwhelming how happy I was and how grateful I felt.  I started to tear up a bit contemplating how blessed I have been.  I was mostly thinking of how much I love my family and how lucky I am to have them in my life.  An entire day of family fun can really bring that to the forefront of your mind.  Then I started thinking about the true meaning of Christmas and what that means to me.  I'm so thankful that many years ago a baby was born who lived and died for all of us.  Because of Him, I can live with my precious family forever.  Because of Him, I can start over again and again and still be forgiven.  Because of Him, there is nothing I will ever have to face on my own.  Because of Him, we all can live again.

And that is the greatest Christmas gift of all.

santa claus is coming to town

'Twas the day before Christmas and all through the town all the people were shopping with no parking spaces to be found.

But my mom and I decided to brave the crowds and take the kids for pictures with Santa.

First, we drove over to the east side of Houston to a store called Bass Pro Shop which had advertised free photos with Santa.  However, when we got there, we were informed that all the Santa passes had been handed out to the customers who lined up before the store even opened.

I had made the rookie mistake of telling Katelyn who we were going to see before we even left the house so there was really no negotiating out of it.  My mom even offered to buy her ice cream to which Kate replied, "No.  Ice cream will give me a brain freeze and my mom said we were going to Santa's workshop."

So we drove over to the south side of Houston to the mall where we waited in line for over an hour for a one minute visit with Santa and a twenty dollar 5X7 photo.

But it was totally worth it.  Kate asked Santa for a flute and Sam loved him.  He cried and reached out for Santa when it was time to leave.  Also, we got this adorable picture.

I think Santa was pretty impressed that Sam had a nice black eye.  Last Sunday, he was attempting to walk at church and took a tumble face first into a chair.  Santa told me that I should tell people he was outnumbered in a fight with the neighborhood kids.

Later that evening, we traveled over to Dee Dee's for our traditional German buterglaze and reivelkucken (which I don't think any of us know how to spell) and some presents and family fun.

Katelyn went around the room shoving M&Ms into the mouths of unsuspecting people.

Finally, we made it home and started preparing for Santa's arrival.  Kate was so excited to put out cookies for Santa and carrots for the reindeer.  When it was time for bed, she didn't complain at all.  She was so worried about Santa flying over our house that she didn't even open her eyes when we tucked her in and kissed her goodnight.

It was a good thing too because Dave and I had a lot of things to do to help Santa.  To get into the Christmas spirit, we did our elf chores while watching one of my favorite Christmas movies, Truman Capote's Christmas Memories.

We finished our work just before midnight and collapsed on the couch.  Being one of Santa's helpers is hard work!  We're so excited for tomorrow morning though.

grateful

This year, as with every year, I have so much to be thankful for.

From the most crucial supports of my life to the simple luxuries I enjoy, there is just too much to even fully convey.  But on this day of Thanksgiving and my absolute favorite holiday, I want to take a moment to share just a few.

1. My family

Words can't sufficiently express how much I love my family.  Literally.  Words can't express it.  But I'm going to try anyway.

I don't know what I would be without the support of my amazing loving family.  Well, actually I do.  I would be a big time mess.  From my loving parents who still, after nearly thirty years, care for me almost daily to my babies who I care for daily but would be lost without, to my wonderful husband Dave who helps me care for those babies, each and every member of my entire family supports me in a unique and individual way that I am so grateful I don't have to live without.  I love you all and I hope you never doubt that.

2. The Gospel of Jesus Christ

I love the Gospel.  I am so thankful for a personal testimony of my Savior Jesus Christ and the fact that, however imperfect I may be, He loves me and always will.  I'm grateful for the pattern the Gospel provides for my life.  It is the axis upon which my universe spins and without it, I would be lost.

3. My home

And by that I mean my actual house that keeps my children warm (and cool depending on the season - lol) and my family safe.  However, I also mean my homeland where I enjoy the luxury of freedom thanks to the sacrifice of so many.

4. My health

I feel so lucky to have such great health.  Other than the occasional minor illness, I'm always in good health.  I have never had to endure any major health trauma.  I haven't even broken a bone.  In fact, my only experiences with hospital stays came in the form of delivering my two beautiful children and then I was grateful to live in a time with competent medical care and glorious pain relieving drugs.

5. Diet Coke

I mean, this post was getting a little serious for my first time back to blogging after several months.  And isn't part of the point of Thanksgiving expressing gratitude for the simple joys in life as well?  :)  This sweet carbonated nectar of artificial sugar and caramel coloring is one of my guilty pleasures that I just can't seem to feel guilty about.

There are many, many other things I could enumerate but this post is waxing long and the tryptophan drowsiness is starting to set in.  I'm thankful for a bed right about now.

Happy Thanksgiving!