back in the saddle again

So you may have noticed that I have taken a leave of absence for a few weeks.  You may also have noticed that I sort of stopped updating Saturday Stats.  Maybe you have noticed that I merged my two blogs together.

Or perhaps nobody noticed which is okay too.

I feel like I should explain a few things.  After all, I invited everyone on my weight loss journey and then went into hiding.

First of all, it became too difficult for me to keep updated on two blogs.  I know that doesn't sound like much but when your profession is toddler entertainer/magician/maid/laundress/cook/bill payer/family CEO it begins to feel a little overwhelming.  My family blog got left behind in the dust and I hadn't written anything since I began my weight loss blog.  It felt kind of sad to abandon a blog that had posts from before Dave and I were married.  So I merged the two to make things just a bit easier.

I wish I could say that I did it because my weight loss journey is at an end.

Secondly, I stopped updating my stats because, well, things just weren't going in my favor.  And by that I mean, I wasn't losing any weight.  And by that I mean, I found the weight that I had lost.  And by that I mean, I was making poor choices.  And by that I mean, I haven't been updating Saturday Stats because I didn't feel like admitting my failure.

For a while, I kept inventing alternative plans.  Maybe I could buy a new scale and make up some story about how every scale is different and imply that it accounts for the difference in numbers.  Maybe I could just stop doing the stats altogether forever and nobody would notice.  Maybe I could get liposuction real quick and be all like, "Surprise!" and pretend that I did it myself.  (The weight loss not the lipo.  I just had a strange mental image of holding the tube extension to my vacuum cleaner and sucking the fat out of myself.  If only it were that simple.)

It took me a while to come to the conclusion that I really needed to stick to my original plan and just come clean with it.  I've been so exposed and so vulnerable already.  Why stop now?  I've really tried to shine a light on some of the challenges of weight loss.  I've blogged about my anxiety, food addiction, and the emotional baggage that needs to be unpacked before I lose any weight.  It seems a shame to only discuss some of the aspects of obesity.

A big part of weight loss is falling off the bandwagon and into the gravy train.  I would be willing to bet that nearly everyone who has lost a major amount of weight has also had a few moments of reckless abandon where they give up the fight if only for a day.  It's just a part of the process and hiding it doesn't seem right.

So over the next week, I'm going to try to pick apart the last several weeks so I can decipher what went wrong.  I want to finally figure out what it is that sends me off course and what it is that finally helps me correct myself.

So even though I don't really want to do this and even though it's not officially Saturday, I'm going to post my weight again and try to make this work all over again.