changes

It's time to take some advice from David Bowie. Okay, I'll be honest. I'm not really sure what the lyrics of this song means but I'm pretty certain that neither does David Bowie. But I like it and I'm going to go with the inevitability of change as the overarching theme of the song.

I've historically dealt with major (but also minor) changes in my life very poorly. I am a creature of habit and a chronic control seeker. I am also lazy. Change almost always represents the need to readjust my thinking, emotions, and expectations. I have to learn to operate differently under my new circumstances. It makes me anxious and uncomfortable.

Unfortunately for me, change is everywhere. Change is in life, in nature, even food in the fridge changes if you leave it long enough. So, I have had to just deal with it.

Don't get me wrong; I completely realize that this is a major fault I have to work on. I know already. Trust me, it is an aspect of my personality currently under construction.

Also, please know that this isn't just some neurotic need to control my life. (Well, sometimes it is a little bit.) Even the changes I order in my life cause some distress.

The past few months have been filled with anxiety inducing changes for me. A new school year, a change of address, a move for my parents, the turn of a quarter century for me, and well ... the impending addition to our family ... have just had me a bit on the worrisome side.

So changes big. I have thought about blogging many times over the past month and a half but I just needed some thoughts to myself for a bit. As with all of the other changes in my life, I have needed my own time to process and think. And as with the other times, I always realize that the change is good. I remember that it keeps my life from getting stale, broadens my horizons, and teaches me new lessons.

As for the lentil ... this little life form taking over my body for the next while ... well, he/she already has me terrified of eating the wrong thing, forgetting my vitamins, or just not being enough. But as for the change, I am already in love beyond repair.