weight loss: round million

Well, my last weight loss attempt was a great success.

For about a month.

And then I ran into the holidays and I found a list of good excuses to take a break.

And then I ate my way through January, February, and the first part of March unable to find any excuses to take any breaks and eating anyway.

And here I am now bigger than before.

And it's started to scare me.  It's starting to scare me because I can't seem to find any traction.  It's starting to scare me because I'm turning thirty this year and, if I can't get control of this, my health is going to run away with my youth.  It's starting to scare me because I see Kate wanting to copy my binge eating habits.

I'm beyond frustration, exasperation, and exhaustion.  I've moved onto to fear.

Fear that I'll never beat my addition.  Fear that it's contagious and my children will catch it.  Fear that I won't be there for my children to grow into adults.  Fear that I've run out of options.

Luckily, this is where I turn to my support system.  This time I've enlisted the help of my mom and dad and my wonderful husband Dave.  I'm thankful that they love me enough to jump right down in the trenches to do this with me.  I'm afraid that I've lost the will to do this on my own anymore.

But I'm learning that that's okay.